Tonight through tears, I hold you close. Day by day I watch you grow. You are smart, independent, loving, and curious with a little sass. My heart melts when I hear you babble my name or reach your arms out for me to take you in mine. Never in my life did I ever feel so loved and so wanted and so full of purpose.
Your blue eyes hold so much hope and love that I get lost looking into them. Your hands are so wondrous and full of adventure. Your feet hold so much purpose and future to take you as far as your dreams can move them.
Tonight as I hold you and rock you to sleep I am overcome. A little over a year ago they told me you weren't possible. They said I'd never have you, but they were wrong because I already loved you. I already prayed for you. I already needed you. God knew. He gave me you.
Sweet baby did you know you saved my life? Mommy was heading nowhere fast. Daddy loved me, but I was so lost and crushed. I was slowly destroying my body, my life. But you, just the hope of you, changed everything.
You deserved the best chance, the best life. You were our miracle. Each day I prayed that I would feel your kicks, hear your cries, see your smile. I wanted to touch your face, read you stories, hold you in my arms. I just knew you'd come.
When you finally let mommy know you were there, my heart overflowed to my toes. You were a fighter, a go getter, a "beat the odds" kind of girl from the start. You showed me what it meant to be strong. To have faith to move mountains. To believe when it was impossible.
I got to hear your first cry, watch you see your first sight, feel you breath your first breath. I held you in my arms. You were ours. You were here. I stared and cried in awestruck wonder like I'm doing now.
Your face will never get old to me. I will never tire of hearing your voice or feeling your hugs. I will try to cherish each moment. I will try to appreciate the difficult times because I know I wished for them once.
So as I sit here and hold you, forgive me if I squeeze to tight or wet your cheeks with my tears. I am just so grateful to be here with you. So thankful to share our days together, to see your firsts, to experience your wonderment with the world. I thank God that I can because my heart isn't strong enough to be away.
So let's rock and think about the future, the play dates and slumber parties, the vacations, heart breaks and butterflies, the best friends and clubs, bike riding, flower picking, butterfly chasing, and kite flying. I won't waste my days with you because without you I wouldn't have days at all.
Thanks for pushing mommy to be her very best. For reminding me I have to take care of me to take care of you. For encouraging me to love myself. For making me an example for you to do the same.
Remember that your arms are just big enough to pull someone up, your hands are just right to help another, your eyes are just open enough to see the good, your smile is just bright enough to light up a room, and your heart is just big enough to give unconditional love.
So as we rock "rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine"
Daddy and I love you so much more than you'll ever know.