Deeper than the waters 

My sweet newborn son,Right now, as the team is preparing you for your first open heart surgery, my heart is shattering into a million pieces across this cold hospital floor. You are still brand new. We just got to meet you. You still have your newborn swell and your pink skin is still so fresh with new life.

I can’t feed you or bath you or dress you. My heart breaks as you wiggle your tiny toes and stick out your tongue while you explore the midnight world. I don’t care if I don’t sleep just so I can stare at you, capture you, just like this because tomorrow you start your journey down a new road.

You’re perfectly formed from your tiny head with little fuzzy hair to your scrunchie nose, long toes, and cheeks you can kiss for days all the way back to your mighty heart. On the outside you’d never know you were fighting for your life with every beautiful labored breath.

Tears roll down my face as you cry. You’ve endured so many pokes and blood draws and lines and tests. I want to take them all away. I want to rip down every cord and machine and run far far away with you, but I know that this is your shot at life and you have so much to teach us, to teach me.

I know tomorrow I say goodbye and you’ll come back to me changed. You won’t move. You won’t cry. You won’t open those little eyes at midnight. But don’t worry baby because mommy is going to be there through it all. I’ll wait while you fight and I’ll pour my whole soul into your recovery.

Tomorrow as they wheel you away I don’t want you to be scared because I’ll be waiting and praying. My mama heart may break and shatter but my soul knows nothing but hope and pure faith that you are going to be a vessel for miracles.

My love for you runs deep, my son, but God’s love runs deeper.

Tomorrow, my brave and mighty warrior, you’ll fight and fight hard. You’ll show us resilience and strength. You’ll beat the ridiculous odds they’ve thrown at you. They can tell us your chances are slim or that having these conditions together over commplicates things. They can repeat over and over that you may not make it or that this is one of the worst diagnosis you could have, but I know something they don’t. Your story isn’t over. It’s just beginning.

Now let’s go show them what it means to be #cadenstrong