DAY 2: Honor Your Hurt
Am I grieving wrong? It was a question I asked myself CONSTANTLY. The world expects certain things from us and I always felt like I was letting someone down. After the single worst event in my life, the last thing I needed was the constant stress of offending someone else.
So I began to allow myself to feel whatever I was feeling in the moment.
If I needed to say no to girls night or if I wanted to cry at some silly commercial or if I was feeling angry and confused, I let it be. I stopped feeling guilty and learned so much about myself and my healing in the process. It wasn't about how everyone else felt. I wasn't going to grieve like everyone else because I AM ME and no one has my exact same experiences, thoughts, or feelings. When I learned to sit with my feelings I found freedom. You know what else I learned? The world was THANKFUL for it. People are seeking honesty and vulnerability, it builds trust. Everyone has hurt, and they could relate and respect mine (and if they don't understand now, one day they will)
I know that this is taboo, but sometimes in healing you need to be a little selfish.
Every single feeling you have is valid. REPEAT. You are allowed and fully entitled to feel WHATEVER you are feeling. Way too often in life we are taught that there is a certain way to feel, a certain way to react, and that certain feelings are bad. Well today I am here to turn everything you know on its end.
It is not your job to make other people comfortable by hiding your feelings. You need to sit with them, understand them, and learn from them. Each feeling you have is REAL and IMPORTANT because it is yours! Your feelings matter because YOU MATTER. They don't have to be logical. If you are sad, allow yourself to work through the sadness. This is the only way to heal. If you try to suppress your feelings to try to make others comfortable, it will just delay your healing and leave you with a yearning inside. The world needs more vulnerability, more REALNESS because we all feel. We are emotional beings and to try to hide that goes against our very nature.
You've done the tough stuff and sometimes the world around you won't understand. Even those who've faced tragedy and darkness won't walk the same path as you, and that's ok. It's no one else's job to understand what you're feeling. Do NOT let anyone, including yourself, convince you that what you are feeling is wrong. There is no such thing.
Here's the kicker though, you are in control of your feelings. They DO NOT control you. Allow yourself to go there, to sit with your feelings, listen to them, learn from them, but do not give them control over you. You don't have to live in sadness, anger, or bitterness BUT you are allowed to feel them. Do not set up camp in the feelings that hurt. When you start to feel overwhelmed by pain, give yourself grace, know you are allowed to hurt, and then find the light. In order to be VICTORIOUS over our hurt we have to know that there is always joy to be found and we have to be willing to look for it.
Here are some ways to honor your feelings:
Just sit with them and allow yourself to feel
Keep a feelings jar. Write down every feeling on a slip of paper and place it in.
Take a bubble bath
Find a therapist
Join a support group
Talk with a friend who has been through what you have
Exercise (sometime you just need to run, punch, or kick it out)
Release them (balloon release, share them with a friend, share them publicly)
Doing these things will bring so much self awareness and clarity. You will recognize what you are feeling and learn the lessons each feeling is trying to teach you. You will also create freedom and self control over your emotions.
Don't forget to complete Day 2 in your workbook and share what you are comfortable with in the group :)
I'm proud of you!